"Upwards," 2016, Acrylic on plywood
She's my favorite version of my big-eyed InsomniaBird yet! This piece started out with a black background, and the bird seemed more like she was flailing than flying. As time passed, bright green eyes were painted from the darkness, and the mood became more hopeful. I decided on a lighter-colored background to complement this new direction. Upward and onward we go!
After watching the Coen brothers' "Inside Llewyn Davis," and reading an article, the reality of failure was brought to the forefront of my mind. IndieWire summed up what made me squirm emotionally watching the movie: as creators, as humans, we face failure, and there may be no redemption or grand comeback. When something is out there, whether it be a painting, webcomic, project proposal, relationship, or new dinner recipe, it is open to judgement and opinions. With a heaping pile of rejection, uncertainty, and indifference served on the side. Despite our best efforts and intentions to remain positive, incorporate constructive criticism, and take risks, we can still fail. That's an anxiety-inducing thought for someone with anxiety, and also for those without. As figuring out how to art can become part of my livelihood causes me to gnaw on my fingers, I am still moving forward. Why? The alternative would involve simmering in an anxiety stew, and the chance for learning and growth would slip through my chewed-up fingers. Inaction would hurt more than failure.
"Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. It never changes. Even when you're happy...you still won't know what the hell you're doing. Don't ever forget that. And don't ever be afraid of that." -- Mark Manson